les guzman in fashion images de mode no. 4 - lisa lovatt-smith
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“Let me tell you what’s going to happen, the day after you find out he slept with someone else. 1. You’re going to wake up with last nights makeup still on your face and you’re going to want to stay all day in bed. 2. Your body is going to feel weak because your heart is going to feel like it’s gone. 3. You’re going to get out of bed when you really need to use the bathroom. Then you’re going to stare at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Then your reflection is going to make you rationalize with his decision. 4. At 5 pm you’re going to realize that you haven’t fed yourself all day. You’ll walk over to the kitchen and grab the blueberries in the fridge, and you’ll remember that he was the one who got those blueberries a week ago. You’re going to stare at the blueberries, and wonder if he got those because blueberries are blue and black, and maybe he was trying to warn you that he was going to hurt you. 5. People are going to write to you and call you but you’ll ignore all of the text messages and calls. 6. You’re going to realize that you still haven’t fed yourself because when you tried to, you realized you didn’t have an appetite. 7. Your room is going to be dark and you’re going to be in bed scrolling through his Instagram or Facebook. You’re going to look through his followers and look at the people who’ve liked his pictures. You want to find a clue, and when you do you’re going to think about how stupid you were and you’re going to wonder why you didn’t do this before. 8. You’re going to get up from the bed and collect all of the things he gave you. You’re going to grab a laundry basket and put everything in there, and tomorrow you’ll go donate it to your nearest thrift store. 9. You’ll go back to bed and block him on all of your social media accounts. 10. You’ll think everything is going to be okay, but the next morning you wake up and you realize that you miss him. You unblock him. You remove everything you were going to donate from the laundry basket. You put everything back where it was. You walk to the kitchen and open the fridge and you eat those blueberries he left and they bruise your lips and soul even more.”
— Alexa Evangelista, the book i’ll never finish writing
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